1) On Dating Black Women:
"My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."
2) On Finding The Right Woman:
"Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don't they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn't that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? ...I'll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I'm using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it."
3) On Perez Hilton:
"I will fuck you in the mouth to shut you up. You are not wilder than me."
4) On Pakistani Comedian Kumail Nanjiani:
"He looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy."
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